Nags Head

9 degrees today...


a girl can dream, right?

soon....very very soon....Nags Head...Here I come!!!

3 wishes

I wish...

that I would have enjoyed my skinny body when I had it. Why does it always come down to our bodies and how we perceive ourselves?

Ya, I used to be skinny...even after I had my girls, I was skinny. A size 2. That's skinny. I wish I would have enjoyed it instead of constantly thinking I was fat...wore those "hootchie mama" clothes more...gone dancing more...flirted more!...I wish I would have flaunted that bikini with confidence. Enjoyed being a little tan(not alot, cuz I AM a White Girl, and I burn like there's no tomorrow)

...that I would have enjoyed sex more when I was skinny! I faked it for years. Wow, that was really hard to write. I faked it...I did what I thought I was supposed to do, to make sure that the guy enjoyed himself...but not me. I always figured I wasn't an important part of the equation. I wish I would have walked around naked, like no one was there. I don't ever do that now. No freakin way. Too many wobbles and shakes going on! I wish I would have relaxed and just enjoyed sex. oh, and I don't fake it anymore! ;) It only hurt ME in the long run.

...I wish that I would have gone to college. It was never really an option for me. $$$$$. I lived with my grandma and she didn't make a whole lot of money. I wanted to be so many things...a lawyer, an actress, a fashion designer....anything!!! I wish I could have had that experience of moving away from home and living in a dorm, and going to class and having mid-terms and finals and stuff. Eating crap all night long! although I still do that! ;)

...I wish that I would have gone on anti-depressants YEARS before I did. My kids younger years...wow. I was so deeply deeply depressed,. I would be driving the car and imagine driving off a bridge or head on into a truck,,just to stop the pain and the "nothingness" I felt. I wish I could go back and do it all over again...and be a much better mother to them. I wish I would have done more crafts, like Zombie Mom....let them make more of a mess...stay up late...slept outside in the summer..all kinds of things. I can never get that time back and it makes me sad.

...that I would have put my husband before my kids. I have never done that...EVAH.. and it shows. Our relationship has suffered. I guess my thinking at the time, (and still) is this:..Men come and go,but your kids are yours forever. I've never had a successful marriage to look to..I figured men ALWAYS leave..but your kids will be around you forever, (if you're lucky). While I love my husband to death, we really don't have a whole lot in common, and now it's really showing. When the kids were little, I was in the middle of raising them...now they're almost all gone and out of the house, and we are left looking at each other like (???Now what do we do?)

... that I would ahve traveled. I have always wanted to go to Italy and seen the house my grandfather grew up in...the streets he walked..just take it all in.

So I need to make MYSELF a priority these next years. So I have no more regrets.

6 inches is enough

WE got snow people!!!

No school today...with about 6 more inches today.

No school tomorrow?

They can't do this to me!!! Those boys NEED to go to school!!!! They need to get some learnin!


on a side note...has anyone seen the show "Man VS. Food"?..on the Travel Channel? The host is named Adam something or other...and he goes around the country, challenging himself to eat all this food. It might be the hottest curry in America or today, he had to try and eat 8 breakfast tacos...that were LOADED with eggs and potatoes and stuff. he couldn't do it. But I did see him eat a 72. oz. steak, with salad and baked potato. It is just an exercise in gluttony and really kind of gross, but he's also very charming and kinda cute. I can't turn away most of the time. it's like a car wreck....you can't NOT look.

I like:

lumpy mashed potatoes

lumpy Cream of Wheat

room temp Diet Coke

Whipped yogurt

cold pizza

hot baths

pasta cooked anyway, anytime, anywhere

potato skins with bacon and cheese

Tuscan Lemon Black tea

Better Homes and Gardens magazine

Dean Koontz

Sophie Kinsella

Tim Gunn

the Super Bowl..mainly for the food

frozen cream puffs

cinnamon rolls from a can

raw cookie dough

antique stores

old table cloths from the 50's

old bottles

........

Mush for brains

I just went to the bathroom.

I walked in....pulled down my pants,...

sat down and peed.


The only thing is...

I forgot to pull down my underware!

MUSH HEAD!

Grand babies are the Best.

they're never too messy

or obnoxious

or snotty

or loud

or bratty.

They never get on your last nerve.

You never have to correct them

or discipline them

or wipe them..(well, most of the time.)

You just get to love them

and enjoy them

and laugh with them

and hug and kiss them.

they make having kids all worth while in the first place!

Please read this.

the boy is good.

Lets rant a little bit

I spend most of my day in the kitchen.

My washing machine is in the kitchen...I do laundry, you get the idea.

So I turn the tv on and there is this show called "The Drs." with Travis Stork from The Bachelor. He IS cute.

Well, they were talking about plastic surgery today, and they had Joan Rivers on there.

Talking about Plastic Surgery.



Now....if I'm doing a show on plastic surgery, and what to watch out for...then YA, have Joan Rivers on as an example of really really BADDDDDD plastic surgery!

Have you seen her lately? E GADS! Her face is pulled so damn tight...I don't think she blinked the whole entire time she was on. She looks like that Jocelyn Wildenstein or whatever her name is....scary.

I think if I saw Joan in person, it would turn me away from surgery...not make me feel good about my decision to have some.

And do the Nutri System commercials with Marie Osmond annoy anybody else but me?

and how about the commercial for Abilify?....they talk about it helping depression, but then they list this whole butt load of things to watch out for..."if you have heart disease, diabetes, lupus, a pulse...and are taking medicine, then Abilify may not be for you. HELLO!!!! Didn't they just say that if my "regular medicine for depression isn't helping me"?.....but I can't take any other medication while on Abilify? WTH?

and what about all the commercials for "male enhancement"...and they show that really creepy looking guy, smiling away and all the ladies want to get with him? YUK. No thank you very much.

and I can't stand watching The Today Show...."Good morning Matt!" "Good morning Meridith!" "Good Morning Matt, good morning Meridith, good morning everybody, lets get to the news!" And what about that chick that just had a baby like 2 hours ago?! She's back to work, skinny as ever, looking like she's 12 years old again. biatch.

I am going today to open up my own checking and my own savings account!! WOOHOO! I'm 45...er 33, and I've never had my own account...in my own name. Will wonders never cease?!!!

Where did the time go?

The little one in the front is now a 7th grade cheerleader, Rae is married and not even friends with with this girl anymore...


Bubba, on the end, is getting married this summer, Bud is in College, that other one is taller than all of them, and the little peanut isn't a peanut anymore.


who goes swimming with a belt on??! I think he was telling us he saw a shark...back when I had to look down on him to see him...


if only I could go back to this time....he was so little and such an ornery little thing. Nice to know some things never change!

Oh Bobbi Jean, how I miss you and "us".

January 20, 2009

Good Lord,....

how AWFUL was Areatha Franklin????

******************

I'm shaking, I'm so excited!

************************

I love it when grown sons, kiss their father. and Joe Biden has some cute sons!

I love Yo Yo Ma! That man made me want to play the cello since i was little.

and this is SO shallow...but then so am I! ;)..but how much fun is it to have such a HOT president? DAY-UM!

Man, ya'll should have heard Bina play the clarinett. That girl could play that thing.

and Mike is THERE....30 rows back! he's hearing this music LIVE and IN PERSON. wow.

nad that little Sascha...that girl is a PISTOL! She is gonna liven that White House UP!!!

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

He just went to Biden and said, "Ready?". LOVE THAT!

I am just in AWE of all of this. I never thought I'd see the day that a Biracial Man would be President. All those times that I told my oldest son, that HE could be President one day.....it has come true. Those binds have been broken.

OH NO HE DI'INT!!! Is he actually saying all of this...while Bush is sitting right there??! Oh, he's got big balls. I like that in a President!

How Proud his Grandmother must be right now.

I love that Malia is taking pictures with her little camera.

That man can speak.

I love my son in law.

His sense of humor is outstanding...

and he thinks his wife is Beautiful.


ya....I love him.

My name is...My name is...My name is...

Ok, Kurt Warner is going to the Super Bowl. YAYA!!!! I do. not. like McNabb, so I am so glad they lost.

I made all kinds of food, we watched the game...well, part of the game anyway. At half time, me and my boys played Rock Band in my son's stinky room.. and it DOES stink...like sweaty boy. Not good. So, we're in there playing and we don't emerge until the Pittsburgh game!!! We were in there playing for HOURS! But damn, I love that game. It is so much fun and I TORE JOURNEY UP!!!! Steve Perry aint got NUTHIN on me!!!

Rae and Mike are in Washington DC, and they were on the Mall for the concert last night. They said Bono was fabulous and there were LOTS of people...miles of people there. Mike is covering everything for his paper. Rae is taking the train home today so she can be with her class to watch the inauguration. She is such a good teacher.

Mt son has a basketball game tonight at the local Chevy Center, which is a big venue. I'm so excited. I plan on taking lots of pix and video. he also got invited to go to Raleigh and attend a basketball camp with NBA people, or some crap like that. he doesn't want to go, but I think Mama Bear will prevail!!!! YOU GOIN BOY!!!

I feel so much better today, and I haven't even taken my "Happy Pill" yet. I was up at 4am...couldn't sleep, lots of things on my mind..lots of plans and hopes and dreams. I WILL get my shit together. I guess I had my "A HA" moment as Saint Oprah calls it. I've neglected myself for far too long. If my daughter conducted herself this way, I would sit her down and tell her to get it together, so why is it ok for me? It's not. I guess I always thought it was selfish to think of myself first when I had kids....and I disappeared. Well, I'm finding myself again....WOOHOO!!!!

And over at Tranny's he has a video of Chef the City....OMG!!! She is so cute and my long lost girlfriend. and I was thinking that you don't really know someone until you SEE them and hear them TALK. so I will be doing a video and introducing myself to you guys. You'll get to see first hand, just how warped I really am!

love you, love your hair!

Where are my thigh high black patent leather boots?? and my whip?

Buff was right....

I don't feel this way all the time...or every day.

With me, it's all or nothing.

And I know there are alot of things that need to be fixed...but Swishy said it best, "If he doesn't do them now, then he probably never will."

And I accept that.

BUT...

I am going to get my own credit card...in my name. I'm calling Tuesday and getting that done.

And I am also going to tell him that I need to have my own money...every pay day, I want a set amount that is MINE to do what I want with it. and then I'm going to set up a savings account in my name only, and sock that shit away for a rainy day. Dan has sent me all this fabric and I haven't done a single thing with it since my mom died. I haven't had my sewing machine out once. I need to get back to that. If I can make a little bit of money from sewing things, then I will put that away too. and maybe even do something with my camera, who knows?

I had a rough night sleeping. You should see my eyes!!! all dark circles and bloodshot. Aint too pretty. I talked to my husband and told him how I feel...all I get is him shaking his head at me. He said he didn't mean to hurt me, and I believe him. I don't think he set out to hurt me...it's just a natural way of doing things for him. He's never put me first, so I don't know why I expect him to now.

I realize that I can't change HIM...only myself. and it's high time I do something for myself. I've put my life on hold, so to speak, for the last 22 years....raising my kids, keeping our house and family running. That takes alot of skill and sacrifice. Now that the kids are almost grown and gone, it's ME time...soon enough. I would never abandon my children or change their way of life to serve my own needs, so I've put myself on the back burner for a long time. Well, Evan graduates next year....NEXT YEAR. Then Austin will be the only kid at home. so my time is coming! ;)

While it's scary to think of working...it's been so long since I had a "real job"...I think I can do it. I'm going to brush up on my skills...whatever they may be!.. and see what I can do.

I want to thank all of you. You guys are my family. I always say that I'm all alone now that my mom is gone....but I'm not really. Whenever something happens, the first place I want to go is to you guys. I have friends..."real" friends, that haven't called me since my mom died. nothing. Not even on my birthday when I really needed to hear from someone...anyone. But I always have you guys. And I want to thank you. You guys have shown me so much caring and love....some of you have even offered to fly me out to your house for a vacation!!! That's crazy fun!!!

So ......I will get my act together. It's time to stop being the subservient little wife and become the bad ass bitch I used to be!!!! ;)

just venting,....I'm ok. I just need to vent.

I have to vent a little bit...it's my blog, and I'm allowed to do that.

My husband.

God love him.

He just bought a Nordic Track.

$1400.


(crickets chirping)


Now, I am not a selfish person. He's been wanting one of these for a lonnnng time. and he deserves one. It's cold, he can't run outside, he has to stay in shape for work, yada. yada. yada.

The thing that gets me is this:

he says, "It's our money."

but it's not really.

I could NEVER do something like that. EVER., he would bitch at me, and give me the silent treatment for WEEKS if I ever did something like that...leave me snide little notes..."You're ruining us" and shit like that.

For one thing, I have no access to money...or a credit card. Oh, my name is on the account but I have no card, no way to access anything. I have to ASK him if I "need" anything. I could never just go buy something like this, especially for that much money.

I just upgraded the boys' phones....it's the only thing that is in my name only. It's MY account, and their phones had about had it, and the youngest just got his own phone..I never heard the end of it. it was part of their Christmas but I had to wait till January to upgrade. I didn't even upgrade my own phone!!!! Cuz I knew that if I got myself one....well, I'd never hear the end of it. EVER.

His selfishness astounds me at times. Really. I never wake up and think, "hhhm, what can I do for myself to day?" that's a daily occurrence for him.

The thing is...I'm not mad that he got a Nordic Track. I want him to have one. But he didn't even think to ask me what I thought about it. He woke me up this morning and told me he bought one..."don't be mad."

What? You couldn't wait till 9am to get online and order one? you didn't even think to include me in this decision? he said, "It's for US." Nooooooo, it's for YOU!

And it has always been his way, and it will always be this way. I know this. I accept this...I have to right now. I have no choice. But I don't think he sees the damage he does to our relationship when he does shit like this. He totally cuts me out of everything. and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Stupid things, like where our niece is going to college....how much money we have in the bank....plans he's made for himself....stupid stuff.. Daily stuff that might be part of a normal conversation between a husband and a wife...he cuts me out. And then he wonders why I'm so lonely in this marriage. he just doesn't get it. he doesn't have my back in anything. If someone is mean to me or does something that's just not right, he always blames ME for "being too sensitive". I have no thoughts or opinions on anything as far as he's concerned....he takes no time to ask me anything. How I'm doing...what I think about something...what I did today....NOTHING.

I am a non-person to him and in this marriage.

and it hurts me to the core of my being.

it's not about the stupid Nordic Track....it's that he doesn't include me in his life.

He shuts me out. He shuts me out of everything. he makes me feel so unimportant. I am invisible to him.

and now I'm crying and I'm sad.

And I feel like I can't live the rest of my life with someone like that, who makes me feel this way on a daily basis.

and it scares the hell outta me.

too cold to go anywhere!!!!

it's cold here!!!!!

So , no school, which means no basketball tonight.

So we are staying in! I rented some movies:

Burn After Reading
Mirrors
Traitor
Eagle Eye

and we have Rock Band 2 so we will be in and cozy all weekend.

I hope...OH! Except for going to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries tomorrow!! WE finally have one near us, so I will definitely be going out for some of that!

********************

Hubs is doing security for Obama today in Cleveland!!! I hope he gets his picture with him. I told him to slip him his resume too! ;)

Why be a hater?

I ran into someone from church the other day...

Her: "DID YOU COLOR YOUR HAIR AGAIN??!"

me: "Why, no, not for a couple of weeks now...how 'bout you?"

her: "Well....I don't color my hair every 2 weeks like you do..."

me: "Awww, hon..it's ok. Everyone can't be like me. Consider it something to strive for."

Body issues

ok, so I have some body issues.

Who doesn't, right?

I mean, I look at pictures of myself 20 years ago, and I think to myself, "I thought I was FAT then. what I wouldn't give to look like that NOW."

I've always thought I was fat...even when I weighed 107 pounds when I first met my husband. To see that number now, I think, dang, that's skinny! probably too skinny. and I had had 2 kids by that time.

Now?......um, ya, I don't weigh 107 anymore. Not even close to it. and I don't want to weigh that much. I'd be happy with about 120-125 pounds. But the thing is....it takes work! and I'm so lazy!!!

So, I looked at myself naked today....really really looked at myself. it aint pretty.

BUT...

my body has been through alot in it's 33 years....(shut it)....

it was born 3 months too early

it was skinny and malnourished for years

it took dance classes

it marched every summer in the marching band

it lived through a rape

it had sex with people it shouldn't have

it's been pregnant 5 times

it fed those babies..well, 4 of them anyway. and fed them well. They were fat babies!

it stretched and got stretch marks

its been sunburned

it has cellulite

it has fibromyalgia

it likes to sleep....alot!

it gives hugs to people

its lap is always available to some grandbabies

it has a big butt, which the husband likes! ;)

it has gained weight

it has lost weight

it has gained even more weight

it hurts all. the. time.


All in all, my body has been through the wringer and it's still here. Ya, it's a little bigger than it used to be, a little softer than it used to be, fills out the jeans more than it used to.

But it's mine and I have to come to terms with it.

I have to learn to like it.

I think, then....and only then, will I ever lose weight.

AND DOWN GOES FRAZIER!!!

so I take my dogs outside yesterday to play in the snow.

and by play I mean walk around.

well, I had my new Christmas present, the video camera with me, so I couldn't hold onto Trooper. Baby Girl is fine to just walk around by herself, but he will run away...if you call slowly roaming down the road, running.

So he goes across the road, I go to get him, and fall.

Under all that snow was a sheet of ice. I landed on both knees and I put down my left hand to catch myself, cuz...DUH!..I was holding the video camera in my right hand!!! So I landed HARD, and I wrenched my left arm and shoulder.

BUT I SAVED THE VIDEO CAMERA!!!

Last night I was in some pain, let me tell ya. I couldn't sleep even with my 2 tylenol pm's.

and today?! GOOD LORD!!! I am too old to be falling in the middle of the road like that! ;)

I fall all the time. I trip over dust.

My kids are mortified to go anywhere with me. The boys are always like,.."Be careful mom!"

******

So today for dinner I made something really good.

I baked chicken tenderloins with about 40 cloves of garlic , in the oven for a couple of hours. I poured in a can of chicken broth and added salt and pepper. The smell was intoxicating and the garlic got all soft and mushy. I wanted to just spread it on some bread and call it a day.

then I cooked some spaghetti and some broccoli...but not together.

For the sauce, I used the broth from the chicken, with all the garlic, and added a carton of heavy cream, some Parmesan cheese and a whole brick of cream cheese. It all melted together and got thick.

then I plated the pasta, added the chicken and broccoli and poured the sauce over all of it.

OHMYGOD!!!!!

My kid wanted to eat the sauce in a bowl like soup!!!!

but no photo.

loser.

would you like some gravy with your stuffing?

The game was awful. We lost by more than 30 points....to our arch rivals. That hurts.


My kid had to guard this monster of a boy...7 ft. tall and about 300 pounds. Every time my kid tried to shoot, he slapped the ball back down. Stuffed my kid like he was a turkey.


My kid got one shot off over this guy. ONE. he ended the night with just 8 points. Not good. and the refs were HORRIBLE. I know, everyone says that when their team loses, right?


But it was the truth. Bigfoot here fouled my boy so. many. times. He got hit in the face, elbowed in the neck....and Bigfoot never got a foul called on him. He ended the night with TWO fouls. That was it.


And the fans...ohmygoodness. The gave adults a bad name. One of our boys fouled out and went to sit the bench. Well, our bench was on their side of the court...so 2 old guys started cussing at him, calling him names and cussing at him. Todd finally turned around and said, "SHUT THE F UP!" but he didn't say F...he said THE word. Both of our coaches jumped up and were going after the two "children" in the stands, and then the cop came over and kicked the "children" out. Their crowd was in an uproar!! I thought we were going to have some trouble getting our of there when the game was over. The cops had to escort our team off the court.

It's high school basketball people!!! Not the NBA!!! it's crazy! But I guess that's what a rivalry is all about, huh?


So we got about 5 inches of snow last night, and I have to work the basketball tournament today. YUK! I don't wanna go out in this stuff! Baby Girl has been begging someone to go outside and play in the snow with her. She's driving me NUTS!!!

sniff sniff...mmmm, Elmers!!

While Baby Girl loves the snow, I'm not to fond of it.

and we are slated to get 5-7 inches by tomorrow night.

I know it's Winter. We should probably have some snow.

But Spring is right around the corner.

Right?
*****************************

We have a basketball game tonight with our rivals. At their school.

so, being the good sports that they are, they tried to sell out all of their tickets so that we wouldn't have any to sell at our school...and we wouldn't have any fans at the game to support our team.

bitches.

*******************************

I had a chance to spoil my oldest son today. he's probably going back to school tomorrow since we are getting a winter storm, and he has classes starting on Monday.

so I made him hash browns, bacon and a FABULOUS omlet(spelling?) with cheese, mushrooms, green peppers and onions. Made myself one too, although his was 4 eggs and mine was only 2. Good stuff. Then I put a big pot of chili on to cook all day, and I made it with my "Dog Chili" he finally sent me after 14 years of waiting. My house smells so good right now. I wish you could smell it.

********************************

And I think I may have to go back to my "natural" brown-red hair color. This dark hair is a bitch to keep up with. My hair grows really fast, so I have roots after two weeks. I'm tired of having to color my hair all the time! At least with the brown-red, it was a little easier to hide they um...gray...or whatever you want to call it. And I read on the internet this morning, (so you know it must be true, right Elizabeth Hasslebeck?) that people who do this .... all the time, are either snorting glue or just an ignoramus. I'm still trying to decide....which one I want to....be.

Another funeral

I had a cousin pass away last week.

He was a volunteer fireman for 50 years.

I seem to be surrounded with death lately. I'm not really afraid of death....I've always felt that I would die young, but who really knows what "young" is, ya know? I know I have alot to live for, and I hate to think of my kids feeling the kind of pain I've felt for the past 3 months. 3 months. feels like a lifetime and yet it feels like just yesterday.

And I have to be honest here and say that I'm just a wee bit mad at God. I wanted more time with my Mom. Deep down I know that what He did is The Right Thing To Do..yada yada. I know that my mom wasn't strong enough mentally, emotionally or physically to last another 6 months with chemo. I know this. Does it make it easier? no, not by a long shot.

But at the funeral today, they played a song...I don't know who sang it, but it was saying, "If you could see me now. I'm walking streets of gold, I have no more pain, and if you could see my face, you'd know that I've seen Jesus. You wouldn't want me to leave this would you?"

Wow. That hit home for me, cuz I always think, what I wouldn't give to have my mom back for just one more day.....but not to her detriment. I want her to be whole and to be healed, and I know she is.

It just hurts so much sometimes.

a List of Things

Things I'm Liking Right Now:


butter beans with rosemary

nachos

Real Housewives of Atlanta NeNe!!! Kim!(who has her own blog!)

a big juicy sloppy Whopper

candles

a new magazine and a long bath

going to the fabric store

kisses from my dogs...even tho their breath is rank

a new bar of soap

reality shows on Bravo

dreams

prozac

feeling creative and wanting to make something....anything

Duffy

texting

playing Rock Band with my boys

Italian greens w/hot peppers

Green Tea

going back to bed in the morning! YES!!!

What are you loving right now?

In my next life...

See this house? It's in town and I looked at it when it was for sale.

I wanted this house BAD. To tell you how bad....you just don't know. It has 5 bedrooms, SEVEN fireplaces, a butlers pantry....pocket doors!!! Oh the pocket doors. They were fabulous. The whole third floor can be a separate one bedroom apartment if you needed it. I thought that would be a great place for The College Kid in the Summer, ya know? There were 3 bathrooms..leaded glass doors with real glass door nobs...and that little white building to the left? A carriage house!!!! With 2 separate apartments in it!!! I could have all my kids near me but yet not so near me!!!!

So, I looked at it and lusted after it. it was originally $115,000 but "they are willing to be reasonable". My husband wouldn't even look at it. True, it's old...but that's what I like about it. You can't build character like that!!! Yes, it would cost $$$$ to heat the monstrosity in the Winter, but you do have all those fireplaces. And the second floor hallway was about as big as my living room is now. Enormous for a hallway! And there are fireplaces in the bedrooms!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They eventually sold it for $86,000. Yes, you read that right. $86,000.

and the main reason Hubs didn't want it?
"It's in the city....and prostitutes walk that sidewalk in front, every single night!"

So what?? doesn't mean we have to take them up on their offer!!! and I could walk to the library every day.

Oh well....maybe in another lifetime.

why? WHY?????

I feel you
Frogponder ...I feel you. you have Gorilla boy...I have Engineer boy. But only till the end of the week. Then I get MY room back!

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

Can I get an AMEN?

Seven Pounds

My husband surprised me yesterday.

We went on a date!

Now, I can't evevn tell you the last time we went on a date...or saw a movie together. I always have to go to movies by myself.

So he surprised me and said "This is our date day and we're going to see a movie."

Well, I want to see "Benjamin Button" really bad, but I have to see that with a woman so I can talk about how hot Brad is....so we went to see "Seven Pounds".

OH

MY

GOD

You HAVE to see this movie. Yes, Will Smith is totally hot...but he is a great actor too and I hope he gets nominated for an Oscar or something for this movie. I had a hard time keeping control of myself and not openly wheeping and blubbering.

I won't give it away, just bring lots of Kleenex with you when you go. Seriously.

and who knew Rosario Dawson was so dang cute??!!!

And I love movies that make you think. Sure, sometimes I just want a "Pretty woman" or a "White Chicks"...but other times I really want a "Crash" or a "Shindler's List"...or a "Seven Pounds".

and I remember now why I dated my husband in the first place....I had a really good time with him yesterday. he's HOT!!!

The Cat's in the Cradle....

What is it about New Years that makes us feel nostalgic?

I remember being young and being so excited about New Years Eve and I just couldn't wait until I got old enough to "party".

Well, since I am 29 now....ok Dog...now that I'm 33, I am old enough to party, but all I want to do is go to bed and sleep??!

As alot of you know, I didn't have the best up bringing. I lived with my grandma most of the time, and she did her best. Of course, I didn't realize this until I had Rae and my Gram was gone....

I've always tried to be the kind of Mom that I always wanted. I like to think that I'm a pretty good mom. My kids like to spend time with me. I have a special relationship with each one, and each relationship is different.

I tried to take the best things my Mom did with me and then expand on them...while leaving the bad stuff behind.

So I guess for the New Year, I just want to make those relationships even better. After losing my own Mom, I never want them to have to feel that pain of losing me. If I could take that pain on myself, I would...

This post is going no where. I guess I'm feeling....melancholy, maybe? When my kids were little, I was so depressed (not on Prozac yet) and was totally overwhelmed. If I could just go back to the time when they were little, and re-live some of those good times...

But I guess that's what we have photos for, right?

We spent New Year's Day with some good friends of ours. We are getting to be pretty close, and our sons play basketball together. They are Italian and we drank Homemade Dago Red!! WHEW! That was some strong wine, let me tell ya! I know this has nothing to do with this post at all.

I guess I just want to appreciate what I do have....family and good friends, and health.

EZE

2009

um...

WTH???!

I'm taking these horse pills everyday and for what???!!!!

NOTHING!!!!

it's NOT working!!!

I have spent no more time than usual in the bathroom, thank you very much. Maybe I'm already so "pure and free of toxins" that there's nothing in there to come out? We spent $60 on this and for NOTHING???! It's not working for hubs either. And I have to be honest....I'm a little disappointed. I wanted some real horror stories to talk about!

Oh well.

Last night, all 3 boys went "out" to friend's houses and we were here alone. Fell asleep on the couch watching football, woke up at 11:30...watched the ball drop and then went to bed. Exciting, no? ahhhh, I remember a time when "being alone" meant something totally different than sleeping! the good old days, huh?