My Dogs aren't barking...they are HOWLING!!!

my last night in NYC.

I will be spending the next week and a half in the hot tub, trying to recover.

But I have to say this:

My husband had NOTHING to worry about, on any level. My Gays looked out for me. They really did. They made sure I didn't get hit by a crazy cab driver, they made sure I was surrounded on the subway, even at 3AM, they showed me NYC like only they can.

Zombie and Kim totally ROCK!!!! Within 30 minutes of meeting Zombie, I was peeing in front of her like I'd done it my whole life!!! They are two unselfish women who made sure I had the weekend of my life. I am so blessed to know them both.

Mistress Maddie made sure I always had a bottle of water when everyone else had God only knows what in their glass!

And Tranny bought me my first Metro Card for the subway! Oh the stories.......if ya'll only knew! ;) God I love that man. he is a FABULOUS friend to me, so caring and loving. someone needs to snatch him up quick.



So tomorrow I will be back to my boring life, having had to say goodbye to My Girls. I've got FABULOUS photos and ya'll will get tired of looking at them, I just know it.

A much much longer post will come tomorrow...or maybe the next day, depending on the condition I'm in when I get home!

Much longer post tomorrow. And thanks for all the texts checking on me. i always say that I have THE BEST friends on my blog....even if my followers don't number 194 like someone elsese!!! ;)

Just a quick note....

I AM HAVING A BLAST!!!!

This city is INSANE!!!

My feet are KILLING ME!!!

I've never walked so much in my whole 29 years of living.

and the pictures.....THE PICTURES!!!!! I have lots of blackmailing to do.


...to be cont.

Mama's Boys

I know I talk about my kids alot, and it probably gets on people's nerves, but.....


I don't care!

Sometimes they can be little shits, but most of the time, I really like them. And yes, I'm talking about the two boys still at home.





The youngest can really get my goat at times. But, he can be so lovey too. I love it when he climbs into bed with me to watch tv. Last night, he was at a friend's house, and got home around 8:30. Of course, I was in bed. (how I will last in NYC I do not know!) so he comes to my room, and climbs into bed, scooting close to me. he will still snuggle, and I love it. Rae and I always snuggle, but to have a BOY snuggle...well, that's almost unheard of!

I texted him the other day, to see if I had to pick him up from school. Well, they're not supposed to have their phone on during school, or they get it taken away. so I get a phone call back and it's his teacher, Mrs Royal. I asked if I got him in trouble and she said no, she just wanted to say hi. So I'm talking to Austin, and we go to say bye and he says, "I love you Mom!" really loud...in front of the whole class. He was probably doing it as a joke, but I loved it.

I dropped them off at school this morning late, cuz they have finals but didn't need to be there until 9:20...so he gets out of the car and I tell him I love him, cuz he's going home with a friend and I won't see him tomorrow before I leave. so he just gets outta the car....and I roll down the window and say, "You could have said I love you Mom!"

"I LOVE YOU MOM!"

He told me he learned how to waltz in German class yesterday, and he had to dance with the teacher! But he didn't mind. That's what I love about my boys,...it takes alot to embarrass them! That's probably a good thing, since they have ME for a mom.





and did I tell you what the other kid did? OMG. He and his friend wore "man thongs" to school one day. My kid bought one that was an elephant and it had a squeaker in the nose! HA! so they wore these thongs, and made sure that their pants hung low enough so everyone could see them. He said the teachers were DYING!!! then they rode their bikes to school and rode them through the hallways. Ya, it's nice to be a senior and get away with everything, huh? ;)

I really like my kids....at times.

Other times, I wish I was single, no kids, and living in California, on the beach somewhere. Ya Right!

********************

so I fly out tomorrow morning, and I'm so excited. I've never done anything like this, and I plan on enjoying myself thoroughly! I'll be back Monday with all the details and lots of pictures.

Nuthin goin on but the rent

Bree


Joey


Peony buds, just waiting to bust open


this is just ONE Hosta! They are in full, hot afternoon sun...aren't they supposed to be in the shade? Oh well, these take over every summer and get bigger and bigger.

************************

My kid won District Champ in the 400 meters on Saturday! Woohoo! On to Regionals on Thursday...and then if he makes it to finals and finishes in the top 4, he'll go on to State. Unfortunately, I won't be here for the finals on Saturday, cuz

I'LL BE IN NYC!!!! But I will be checking in to see how the race is going.

Liars can go to hell for all I care

you know what I hate more than anything in this whole world?

Liars.

I hate Liars.

Oh, I still hate stupid people, and phony people....

but liars take the cake as far as I'm concerned.

I hate someone who will look me in the eye, and LIE to me.

You sit down and talk to this person....come to certain decisions and agree on those decisions...

and then 2 months later, they lie to your face.

"I never said that." "I don't remember saying that." "I think that's just suggestive thinking on YOUR part...I never said that." WHAT THE HELL IS "SUGGESTIVE THINKING"?????

I cannot stand to be around liars, look at them, talk to them,..live with them....do anything at all with them.

And while we're on the subject, how can you so blatantly favor one child over the others? Have it be so obvious, that the other siblings kind of hate that favored child?

I don't get it. And then, how can you pick on one certain child..to get the brunt of your anger over and over again...even tho they didn't do anything to deserve your anger?

I am PISSED OFF and I don't care who knows it.

DO NOT LIE TO ME. I will tell you the truth always....so DON'T LIE TO ME. I HATE that with a passion.

and sometimes that hate can be alot stronger than love.

Officially an ADULT

Look what my kid and her Man went and did!!!!

THEY BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!!

Congratulations guys.....and it's about time you posted some pictures!!!!

They need to make very tiny, little life preservers, or water wings...

I had a squirrel drown in the swimming pool yesterday.

WE were at a track meet and my youngest called me, (he never goes to the meets),

"I have some sad news Mom."

I thought he was going to say my dog died!

"A squirrel drown in the swimming pool."

So of course, I thought it was MY squirrel...so when we got home Hubs fished it out and buried it. I still didn't know if it was "mine" or not.

so today I get home from grocery shopping...I look out the window, and there is a squirrel, walking around the edge of the pool! I run out there, thinking I'm gonna have to scoop it out...but I didn't. It was mine! She was ok! She came right over to me, looking for a peanut. I haven't been that happy in a while! Stupid, I know, but I love that little squirrel. She really trusts me now, and will sit beside me on the bench when she eats right out of my hand. Then she'll look up at me like, "Where the peanuts woman?!" So I'm glad that she's ok.

*****************

Not much going on this weekend...well, that's not entirely true. The one kid qualified for the finals at District, so he'll be running tomorrow. I'll be helping The Preacher's Wife at her kid's graduation open house, hubs is out there giving everyone tickets for the Holiday....and then on Monday, we will be at a picnic.

When my MIL was alive, she started an organization called Love, Charity, Alms. They help down and out people, homeless people...anyone who just needs some help. So when she passed away, her kids were determined to keep it going. They are giving out scholarships this year, and on Memorial Day, they have a huge picnic for the whole community, with free rides for the kids, games and free food. So I'll be cooking for that. You can check out the website here if you want. we've had alot of people donate money this year, so the scholarships should be for more money. last year, it was only $250 to 4 girls, but hey! Every little bit helps in college!

I hope everyone has a safe holiday. Don't get any speeding tickets! ;)

Idol Winner

This has GOT to be the BEST part of Idol last night! My kid and I were screaming!!!! Ahhhh, I might just like Kara a little bit now....

and Kris won. I was shocked. really. shocked. But I like both of them and will probably buy both cd's, so it's all good. At least Adam doesn't have to sing that God-awful song "No Boundaries" for the rest of his life. Kara's body rocks, but her songwriting abilities leave a little to be desired. Horrible song.

81 degrees out today.

Not a cloud in the sky.

I'm sitting at the school, waiting for school to be out and take my bad kid home...and I'm watching the parents walk in.

There goes the dad with the "World's Greatest Dad" t-shirt on. he's a little older, only about 5'5"...maybe 130 pounds soaking wet. what little hair he has left is brushed straight back on his head, his straight legged black jeans cuffed up at the bottom, cuz they're too long for his short legs. T-shirt neatly tucked in, so he looks nice for his kid, maybe?

There goes the mom with the crazy wild hair. it's long and curly and WILD....but she's so proud of it. it looks thick as all get out...and she has on a tight t-shirt, pulled down over her belly that sticks out just a little too much....black jeans, rolled up to capri length, flip flops.

Here comes another mom, helping her daughter walk. did she get hurt in gym or on the playground? she doesn't seem to be limping...but?

I'm watching all these parents....sitting in my car. Wearing a tank top and some boxer-like shorts that I made a few weeks ago. Hair in a ponytail, no makeup. This is the usual me.

And I feel lucky.

I feel blessed to be alive on such a beautiful day. I'm here. HERE. I am sitting in the sun, getting a sunburn, even tho I have on sunscreen. No tan for me today.

I have a good life. a GOOD life. I don't really have any major drama going on...oh little things pop up from time to time, but nothing major. It's been 9 months since my MIL died and 8 months since my own mom died. And I remember feeling like I couldn't go on. But I did. and I am.

I'm here and I need to be more ...."present" in my life. I find time just slipping by and I don't know where it went. My mom would not want me to sit and wallow in my grief. I know this in my heart, but I feel that if I enjoy myself or laugh once in a while, that I'm betraying her in some way. How easily the tears start to flow whenever I think about her. Why couldn't I have been nicer to her and appreciated her more while she was here?

The phone rang the morning after my "surgery" and I immediately thought, "Oh, that's gotta be my mom, calling to see how I am." and then it hit me...NO ITS NOT. How I would love to hear her voice one more time. Take her to the library to get some books to read...go to a nursery and buy some plants to start a garden....plan vacation...talk about Rae and Mike's new house they just bought. just talk. about stuff.

Then I look at my husband, and I think,"God, he's feeling the very same way." and I haven't given it a thought. I know he's missing his mom too, just like I miss mine. But I haven't acknowledged that to him. I need to. I feel like he has his siblings to help him through it, whereas I don't have anyone. I haven't talked to my brother since the day my mom died and I went to see him. I made a stupid mistake....I was so intent on not forgetting his son that died as a baby in the obituary, that I forgot to list his son that is alive. my mistake. I apologized profusely...corrected the mistake in the paper, but he hasn't spoken to me since. I've called, left messages...but nothing. So, what little headway I made in our relationship coming back together, I ruined by a stupid mistake, that I will forever be sorry for. So I am alone in my grief.

But...........

the sun is shining and it's hot. I love it. I need to look at every little old lady I see at the store and thank God that she's still here for her family, instead of feeling cheated somehow.

My mom would want me to live....not sit here in my misery.

shit shower and shave

went to the gyno today to get the cooter checked after the BBQ...

so I'm sitting in the waiting area and I can hear the dr. talking on the phone to a patient.

"Ya, come right now...I'm not busy. I'll have Julie take you right back to a room.....YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SHOWER."

W. T. H???

I looked at him through the little window thingie...and said,

"Well, dang! If I'd a known that, I would have saved myself alot of time!"

SHOOT!!!! I bathed, shaved....primped, powdered, perfumed and all that good stuff!!!


ahhhh, the stories he must tell his wife, huh?

NYC?

ok, so I have a little problem.

I'm going to NYC next week end. NEXT WEEKEND!!!! OMG!!!!

the thing is this.....





My husband doesn't want me to go.

he thinks it's "dangerous" and he "doesn't know these people"...and he wouldn't be there to "keep me safe".

Now, I understand where he's coming from. I really do. Cuz he doesn't get the whole "blogging thing". no, he doesn't know the people I'm meeting, but I DO. Some of these people I have known for about 3 years. I talk to them on the phone....I send them stuff, they send me stuff....I know their life story. But he thinks they're "lieing, they could tell you anything".

I understand he's a cop and he's supposed to think that way, and he "sees stuff" all the time...yada yada. I get it.

But I feel I'm a pretty good judge of people and if I felt the slightest bit of "weirdness" about the whole thing, I wouldn't go.

And there is a particular blogger that he doesn't want me to meet or spend any time with cuz he "doesn't know him and doesn't know what he'll do to me". and he thinks there might be something going on. Even tho I have never EVER cheated on him and that is not what I'm going to NYC for. Didn't even enter my mind....AT ALL. and it completely blows me outta the water that he doesn't trust me...so it makes me wonder what HE"S hiding or feels guilty about, ya know?

I have my ticket already. I have addresses and phone numbers to give him of where I'll be and who I'll be with. I'll have my phone with me at all times, and I won't go anywhere in the city by myself. I feel pretty good about the whole thing, and I'm not scared at all, just excited beyond belief! I want to see Bryant Park, Mood Fabrics.....central Park, The Bronx Zoo.....anything and everything there is to see.

He's telling me to "go and have fun" but I know he wants me to say, I'll stay home. I know this. You know when someone tells you something but they don't really mean it?...that's what this is. he gets that look on his face, of the wounded puppy that's been left out in the rain, whenever I talk about it. I've told him everything we plan on doing...I even told him he could come with me!!!! Come on!!!! He said, "he didn't want to ruin my fun". and he would ruin my fun, cuz he's not a fun person! he wouldn't want to go to museums and the zoo, and walk the city and eat a hotdog from a stand on the street...shopping? wouldn't happen. Cocktail party? noooooo, wouldn't happen.

So.............

do I go to NYC and face the wrath of the silent treatment when I get home? or do I give in, and stay home to keep the peace?

I have a feeling that I will soon look just like this, if I don't get my act together soon.

I mean, her name IS Beth......

The Day From Hell

What's the worst job you've ever had?

Mine was working at a cardboard factory.

Yes.

I put cardboard boxes together.

for 8 hours a day.

But I only lasted ONE DAY.

I got home and never went back!!

my day

I've been keeping busy...


a new purse


a new purse


a little shorts outfit for Bree


and its not really a "gift" to have someone else cook, is it?...if this is what you're left with.

A reason for living

So I go outside just a few minutes ago, to take the boys to school.

I'm pushing the "unlock" button on the little fob thingie, and nothing happens. The drivers side door is unlocked tho, so I open the door, and NOTHING! I left the stinking lights on last night!!!

The car is DEAD.

So, I drive my mom's car, the Beretta. Which, when we get in it, we see it's on EMPTY. But it did start, so we head off to school.

Pick up the neighbor boy and off we go, all the while praying that we get there! My boys are worried that we will run out of gas on the side of the road, or even worse, in the school parking lot.

Why?

Cuz I am in my jammies and old pink bathrobe....and glasses.....with my hair sticking all up and wild.

Are they worried about getting to school? Noooooooo, just that I might have to get out of the car!!! HA!

Well, they will be very happy to know that I made it home safely. Cuz ya know, they were very worried about that! ;)

ahhhhh, to be an embarrassment to your kids. It's what I live for.

Mother's Day.

It's over.

thank goodness.

rough day.

but good.

ate lasagna.

watched "House".

bed early.

For Uncle Tranny

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EASY E!!!!

Happy 17th Birthday Easy E!!!

Oh God....you are 17. You old man!!!!


What a sweet baby you were. all smiles and personality. Making friends wherever you went. and you were Nana's Baby, that's for sure. she would walk outside with you, under the pine trees in the evening, and you loved it. And how you would laugh. Great big belly laughs coming out of a little baby!

"Hi, my name's Evan...wanna be my friend?" That was you. You are still that boy today...making friends and helping your friends with all their "drama". They know they can count on you to give them good advice. You are such a compassionate young man, and you feel things very deeply, even if you try not to. You liven our house up! When you're gone, this house is soooo quiet. I don't like it. I like to hear you singing....anything by Marvin Gaye, Al Green, The Temptations. You should really be a singer!



Evan, the whole world is at your feet. Make the most of it. Be a good man, a man with integrity and honesty. You have a way with kids and I know you'll be a FABULOUS father one day in the very very far future. ;)

I love you Evan Michael. Your friendship means the world to me, and you inspire me to be a better person every day. and when you DO become a father one day....just remember....the toys actually belong to the KIDS, not you!!! ;)

lunch before...


lunch after. Ya, I picked out all the avocado and ate that first. so what?

I need a new drug

I could make a really good hard-core druggie.

For some strange reason, pain medication has no effect on me....none whatsoever. I've had Demerol, Vicodin, Percocet, and now this Toradol. Nothing. Nada.

I was really hoping for a nice high to last me through the day, but all I got was Cramps From Hell.


the entire procedure wasn't thaaaaaat bad. I lived through it.

I was extremely nervous this morning, and one little Valium did nothing to alleviate that nervousness. There's another drug that does nothing for me.

I got called in early. Woo. fricking. hoo. I was hoping to stall as long as possible.

So I get there, and the nurse asks if I was ready for my shot. Ya, a shot of Jack would do it right about now, but she just gave me a shot in the arm instead and told me to wait in the waiting room. Ok. I'm waiting for it to kick in. My husband starts to give me sobriety test to see if the drug is working....moving his finger in front of my face. "Just follow my finger".Nothing. Oh well.

So I tell the dr. that I was really nervous and he comes out to talk to me and my husband, who actually DID take the day off to take, cuz he wasn't going to, but that's another story.

So, doc is talking about how things were in the old days, yada yada, and how he thinks he's so ugly and his wife is so pretty....yada yada. he asked if the shot was working. I told him if it was a double straight up it probably would have helped better. But they had no alcohol in the office....at least not the kind you can drink.

So I go back and I see THE NOVASURE REP FROM HELL. He seemed like a nice guy tho, and I told him I would let him stay in the room to enjoy the festivities cuz he didn't look like Jeffrey Dahmer. So the nurse called him Jeffrey the whole time. he was actually a help, believe it or not, cuz he really explained alot of what was going on to me.

And they kept saying, "The actual procedure only lasts 90 seconds." Well people, 90 seconds seems like a lifetime when you're having a long metal rod shoved inside and your insides vaporized. It was the longest 90 seconds of my life and it hurt like hell. Now I see why they usually put you out completely for this thing. And before they do that, they blow your uterus up with c02 to see if there are any leaks.

What. The. Hell. Kind. Medicine. Is. that??? Leaks?? IN MY UTERUS??

And before you can even get to the 90 seconds part, they have to split you wide open with that speculum thingie and park their stinking mini van in there so they can take a good look around. I swear he was shoving boots, computer screens and the kitchen sink in there.

Oh Lordy

so, I got home, put my jammies on and had my husband get me an Arby's roast beef sandwich!!! YES! That made the whole thing worth it right there.

I just took a hot bath(sorry dr. I know I'm not supposed to, but the bath is my sanctuary) and I'm going back to bed to wait for American Idol, which I missed last night cuz I was at a track meet. But I hear Adam tore up some Led Zepplin.

So, have a drink to celebrate the end of my baby making days. :( Not that I want another baby, but it's kind of sad knowing that I CAN'T have one, ya know?

Oh God, that has to be the drugs talking.

So today is the day for the uterus BBQ.

It's sort of medically necessary.

I have fibroids, and they're hoping this will burn them off. Sounds lovely, no? Plus it will take care of other things that are heavier than they should be. gross.


So, I will be back tomorrow. I plan on being drugged up all day today! WOOHOO!!!!!

white hot pain shooting up through the core of your body till you sweat like a whore in church

ok, I just got back from my gyno's office....again.

Sheesh, for not seeing him in 9 years, I've sure seen alot of him lately.

So he put in this..."thing" made out of seaweed, to dialate my cervix. Yes, SEAWEED. I guess as it absorbs moisture, it expands, thereby, dialating the cervix.

I told him that I did not want the novasure rep in the room. Well, first I told his nurse, and she tried to blow me off, saying that "he's a great guy, yada yada.." I told her it was creepy to have him in the room, just watching....weirdo. So she tells me that he HAS to be in the room.

me: "What to you mean, He HAS to be in the room?"

her: "Well, he runs the machine."

me: "you mean, I get NO SAY in this at all?"

her: "Do you want to talk to the doctor about it before he inserts the thingia ma-jig?"


So, she tells me to undress and get "ready" and the doctor will be in to talk to me. So I'm sitting on the table and he walks in..."How are you? What's mew?" the same 'ole same 'ole.

then he tells me that this guy has to make sure that the machine "runs properly cuz they can be stubborn sometimes."

me: "Well, then maybe I shouldn't have my uterus BBQ'd by a stubborn machine."

him: "It will be all right. he stand off to the side, not down here where I am. he can't see anything."

me: "It's creepy. CREEPY"

him: "Well, I suppose we could have him step out once he turns the machine on."

me: "Thank you."

So, he goes about putting this thinga-ma-jig in my cervix. SWEET MOTHER OF GOD AND THE BABY JESUS. That hurt like a BIG DOG.

him: "you need to relax and drop your knees down to the side."

me: "Well, that's a little hard when you have a white hot poker shooting pain up my cervix."

So, he's done and I'm cramping like I'm in the final stages of labor. he tells me to get dressed and that he'll see me tomorrow. The nurse says I can leave after I get dressed. So....I get dressed and I LEAVE.

I pull in my drive way about 5 minutes later and my cell phone rings. it's the doctor, asking me if I'm mad at him, cuz I left without saying goodbye. I told him,

"If I was mad at you, you'd know it."

him: "Oh, you'd kick me or something huh?"

me: "That would be the least I would do."

********************

So, now I'm home.and I cried all the way home. WHY? I am such a baby, as one commenter said to me after my last post. But that really hurt! What in the world am I doing this for? I know it will HAVE to be worse tomorrow.

Oh lordy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUD!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUD!

I can't believe you are TWENTY years old today! when did that happen? Where was I when you were growing to TWENTY? One more year, and you'll be LEGAL!!!


Bud, I love you so much. You're funny and thoughtful and a terrific gift-giver. You have so much common sense and can see things so clearly when others have blinders on.

I Love it when you come home from school and we can sit and talk. It's so nice to have another person at 12%!!!! ;)

The day you were born, my life changed dramatically. True, you didn't sleep....EVER. Had I known then what I know now, we would have you tested for allergies and it probably would have made in big difference in your sleep habits.(of course, you have no trouble sleeping NOW!) But I think the real reason you didn't sleep is because there was so much to see and do...you were afraid you would miss something! you were a nosey little thing, and wanted to learn everything!

I love you Bud. Your future is so bright, and I know that God gifted you with that brain for a reason, and I'm sure you'll figure that out. go out in the world and leave your mark Bud. There's things to do and see, and it's all in front of you.

Thank you for being my son and for teaching me so much. For being a great brother to your sisters and brothers.

I love you!

Chaos rules

I am exhausted from this past weekend!! But in a good way!

I haven't been this tired in a loooong time. Now I remember what it's like to have little kids, and I do not want to go back there again! ya, they're cute and all, but dang, they are busy!

And since I didn't have any "help" from any other grandparent in the house, I'm doubly tired. It's hard taking care of a 2 yr. old and a 4 yr old and an adult who acts even younger than the kids. Yes, I'm being snotty and catty and bitchy and anything else you can think of. I have a right to be.

I knew as soon as I had a "clean bill of health" he would go back to being a jerk. Oh well. What do I expect really.....he wasn't present when our own boys were little, so why should he be present now? Yes, there was "chaos" (his excuse for being a brat) but what do you expect with little kids? We hadn't seen them since February so they were very excited to be here. And I was excited to have them here. And yes, I was "tired" ( another excuse) but I didn't hide out in my bedroom all weekend so I didn't have to bother with the kids.

Can you tell how furious I am and how FED UP I am?

I'm tired of immature adults, and selfish adults. Grow up!!! Now I feel like I can never have them spend the night again, cuz it's "too much chaos" and I will pay for it later, in silent treatments and nastiness.

I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of being married.

I soooo need my vacation to NYC coming up at the end of the month. And YES, I WILL be going. There was some flack over that too, but to hell with it. I'm going!!! I deserve it.!!!

Grand babies

My grand babies came to spend the weekend with me!!!

To say we had some fun would be an understatement!

For Rae