Pervy Emporium

Well, Evan is off today on his first college visit.

He and his dad went to Thiel in PA. They've been after him to play football and run track.

Which is all well and good, butttttt.........

they're a D-3 school, so they don't give any money. :( they will work to get him grants and scholarships and stuff, but it costs $38,000 a year to go there.

Sure, it's an old. established school, with a beautiful campus..yada yada. But the dorms are old as dirt and they smell and suck in general.

I really want him to go to Akron.

1. It's a D-1 school. he could get a full ride.

2. They're track team is pretty good and he would be sitting 2nd in the 400 mtrs. And that was LAST YEAR as a junior in high school. so he could kick some major bootay in the 400meters.

3. the campus is AWESOME! They have brand new dorms, the new Infocision Stadium, a student rec that is outta th is world....sure it's plopped right down int he middle of the ghetto, but the campus is BEAUTIFUL!

4. His brother is there. Good thing for Evan, cuz Evan is kind of a "homebody" and I think having his brother near by will be a big help to him. And The Chapel is right on campus too. This is a fantastic church that he could get plugged into.

5. he has alot of friends that are already there and peers that will be going there. (maybe that's why he DOESN'T want to go there!)


So, it's up to him. But $38,000 a year in student loans is gonna kick his butt when he gets out and has to start paying it back. OUCH. He's thinking about forensic psychology.

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So I HAVE to go to a party tonight at a country club close by. woo. hoo. Country clubs don't impress me...and you know me. I like to "buck the system" a little bit. So I kinda want to do the "heroin chic" look, and dress like a hootchie with big black smokey eyes and disheveled hair,...looking like I've been on a bender for 5 days.

I don't really have anything to wear to this stupid thing. I have black tuxedo pants with a satin stripe down the side of the leg...really nice. But they're about 3 sizes too big...just a waist band, no belt loops to pull them in, and the crotch hangs down to my knees.

I do have a nice Summer dress, buttt...it's a SUMMER dress. So I could pull a "Lucky Magazine" look and wear it with black tights and a sweater and throw on some killer shoes, and a great bag. That's probably what I'll do. Cuz those are about my only options at this point! I gotta go shopping for new clothes (dirty job but some one's gotta do it) but that costs $$$$$ and I'm trying to SAVE $$$$$ for my trips I have planned. so..........I think I'll pull something out my ass and then walk in like I own the place!!! ;)

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Now on to "TrannyBeth's Pervy Emporium"....

the other night, I spend HOURS pricing new porn. You know the job I want? no, not the starring role in a new porn...PERVS!!!...but the job of NAMING these movies. Now THAT'S the job to have. Did you know there is a porn parody for just about any movie or tv show out there? I saw "Jon and Kate + 8"..I'm sure you can imagine what the +8 is....of course the "Twilight" porn.... a "30 Rock" porn...a "Desperate Housewives" porn...lots and lots of them. and then the MILFS. Oh how men love their MILFS. and teenagers, which I find highly disturbing.

So here are some of the titles I saw that night:

"I want to butt f#$% an Indian"...HUH? Where did THAT come from?

"That AZZ is Off Da Chain!"

"ASScar"

"Lesbian MILFS #7"

"Fugly Girls" yes, there is a porn about FUGLY girls. The thing ism they're not really that FUGLY...they just messed their hair all up and blacked out some teeth is all. woohoo.(at least I THINK they blacked out those teeth!)

"Big Titty Teens"

"Big Oiled Asses"


Oh, the list goes on and on. I feel so dirty and have to wash my hands repeatedly when pricing these things!

so it was just me and another girl working that night, and we had huge stacks of porn on the counter, pricing them. this guy walks in, gets a movie and comes up to the counter. I try to cover up the really bad ones, so he can't see them sitting there. Didn't work.

"Um....miss? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??!!!"

"Oh this??? Just another perk of the job!"

he then asked how HE could get a job there. ya.


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............the porn stories I have. and let me tell you THIS! Some of those things CANNOT be real, ok? I don't believe it. They put magnifying glasses on some of those monsters to make them look bigger. And while I AM a "size queen", some of those things SCARE me to death!!!! I just have to shake my head. Why is it that you either get a really really SMALL one or one that is so huge, you're being impaled???!!!! What happened to the nice, "normal" guy?

;)