so I've lost about 45 pounds now.
woohoo! right?
not so much.
When I look in the mirror, I don't see a difference.
Body image problems? ya, probably.
I find myself obsessing about what I eat...how much I eat..when I eat...IF I eat.
I've gained back some of the weight and it drives me nuts.
I haven't been walking as much as I was...not doing the pilates or the yoga either.
I love buying new clothes, but when I look in the mirror...I see no difference, and it's frustrating.
I KNOW there's a difference, cuz I'm in an 8 now...almost a 6, down from a 16. WOOHOO!!! Do you know how long it's been since I wore a size EIGHT??!!!! years, people...YEARS.
But at what cost? My sanity? :) I LOVE food, and it's really hard to eat "right". and I don't want to obsess about every bite that goes into my mouth.
am I gonna have to do this for the rest of my freaking life? Is it worth it?
I know it's worth it. My fibro hasn't been near as bad since I've lost weight. I still have pain but not like it used to be. And that's a good thing.
and Im gonna be really really brutally honest here ok?
I was hoping that if I lost weight, my marriage would get better. I thought my husband would like me more...me nicer to me....show me some affection....maybe want to take me out..be seen with me.
It hasn't really worked. :(
Oh, we get along well enough.....most of the time.
But I still feel like an after thought with him most of the time.
Wow, I can't believe I'm saying this on here. eeekkkkkkkk!
I'm still here. I'm being ME...which I haven't been in a long time.
and I don't think he likes this "me" as much as the "other me". Does that make sense at all?
Where am I going? I don't know!
Just some thoughts running through my head right now. and it comes down to alot more than just losing weight. Some people think I should lose about 200 pounds. :) HAHAHA!
6 comments:
I think my husband is very insecure and I am very independent, and we have ISSUES over this. He gets very jealous and would love for me to sit home and cook/clean til' I get a job. But like I tell him, I am not going to change!
You look great and you can keep it off, but I am finding I have to be VERY aware of what I am eating..it sucks but that is how it is.
I love you any old way!
i see changes the best when i take pictures... and when i try on new clothes. it's not an excuse to go shopping or anything (or is it? lol.), but just go to a store and see how new sizes fit on you ~ i promise you'll see a difference then! it takes the mind a long while to catch up to the weight loss, so don't be too hard on yourself. <333
oh bethie that's why i love you so because you are you and so open and honest and up front about it. I have an extremely hard time dealing with my "baby weight" and with body issues and have all my life, when I was thing pre-baby I thought I was fat (so now i'm really, really fat!, ugh!) and it's a constant battle, wish I could let it go but can't seem too. we just need to learn to be happy and love ourselves no matter if we are thin/fat
congrats on your weight lose...I say everyday to myself...ok, now get up and move..but I don't. :(
I blame my weight on my peri-menopausal self. I hate to look at pics of myself now. So you are not alone sista...but, please get back to more walkin or yoga. It will help. Now go get ya a 20year old! Go cougars Go!! Cougar Power!
:D
i cant believe i have never read your blog! everytime i see you comment i think i need to check out that blog and then in typical fashion i end up getting distracted and doing something else. i have struggled with my weight forever and i can appreciate your point of view.
xxalainaxx
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