Trooper

I finally did IT.

while I know it was the Right thing to do...my heart is broken and bleeding all over the place.

My Trooper is gone.

and I don't know how to navigate the house without him in it.

Where is he? he's supposed to be sleeping right in front of the fan, with his dog hair blowing all over the place.

He supposed to come walking over to me in the morning, ready for his meds and his breakfast.

He supposed to be laying at my feet while I work on the computer...rolling around, "washing his face" with his paws.

in case you haven't noticed, I don't handle death very well.

But then, who does, right?

It seems like, I have had to say good bye to too many people lately.

I'm almost to the point that I think, "having a pet just isn't worth this heartache".

I'm supposed to be getting a little Yorkie next Saturday. SUPPOSED to be.

But on this day, at this time right now...I don't want the cute little thing.

Maddie is left here without Her Boy, and she's having a hard time.

She slept by Austin's side last night, and I slept on the couch to be near her. Austin slept on the floor with her. and Evan was wandering the house all night long, unable to sleep and unable to stop crying.

I know alot of people will say, "Oh for goodness sake, IT WAS JUST A DOG! NOT A PERSON!"

and I don't really care what "they" say...never have and hopefully, I never will. :)

Trooper was My Baby. He was special...(ya, Special Ed.! that's what the boys used to say to me all the time!)

I have NEVER had a dog like him before.

He was kind and loving, and forgiving, and funny. he always made me smile with his goofy antics. I could walk out to the mailbox and come back in the house, and he would be SO happy to see me! Like I had been gone forever! he loved me like no one ever has before.

And now to be in this house, where he lived for 13 years.....it's empty and lonely and not right. I know I will get over it, but I'll never be the same person I was before. he made me a better person he taught me to love and to forgive and to enjoy life and to run as fast as I can around the yard just cuz I feel like it.

He taught me to eat the whole chocolate-coconut cake if I can get the refrigerator door open. And nothing tastes better that potato peelings out of the garbage can.

Trooper was stubborn and I know he would have never given up on his own. It was my duty to make that decision for him, and I made it. I hated it, but I did it.

He couldn't walk anymore. His hind end just wouldn't work. we had to help him stand up and help him walk outside to go to the bathroom. and sometimes when he tried to do it himself, he couldn't make it and would have an "accident" which would devastate him. I couldn't let that happen anymore. AS Dog told me, "let him die with dignity".

So I did.

Evan carried him to the car and then carried him into the vet's office. he placed him tenderly on the table and and held him while the vet gave him the shot. I held his head and whispered in his ear the whole time, telling him what a good boy he was and how much we all loved him and would miss him, but it was time for him to go and to be with our other dog Jake. Im sure they are having a blast playing together again.

And yes, I believe that "All Dogs Go To Heaven". I know some people don't...but I do. God made these animals, he knows what a bond we have with our animals, and if heaven is "all that" and such a great place to spend eternity, then my dogs will definitely be there, waiting for me. Enuf said.

I'm holding his head, talking to him and kissing him, and then the life just went out of his eyes. he was gone. just like that. He was gone.....running and playing with Jake and sitting by my Mom, and she was loving him till I can get there to do it myself.

I believe this with all my heart.

I miss you Mighty Trooper Thunderbolt Hill...Troopie Doopie....Bubba. I love you and I miss you so damn much. My heart will never be whole.