Went to a friend's farm last night for a bonfire. I love farms...I love the texture of the weathered old wood on the barns..I love ancient wooden doors that creak when you open them. And I relish the smell of woodsmoke when I get into bed at night.






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My Baby is having a Baby of her own soon. Isn't she just BEAUTIFUL??!!!

I can tell you, I did NOT look like THAT when I was pregnant! She is still so skinny...all except for that belly!

I'll be packing up my crap and my Murff and going south pretty soon. I will be My Girl's Doula, and be there when she gives birth. I am SO excited! All this time, I've thought it was a Boy...but looking at that belly, I'm calling GIRL!!!

**********************************

-16 and hell has finally frozen over

it was -16 with the wind chill this morning.

No school.

and when it gets like this, all I want to do is COOK!!!

so I made a big 'ole pot of vegetable soup, and I need to either buy some crusty Tuscan bread to go with it, or make some kind of a biscuit-y thing.

I've already had 2 bowls. GOOD! a whole head of cabbage went in there.

Austin was like, "Dang mom, this stuff will feed us for THREE days!"

Ya, there's alot of it.

When it gets cold like this, I just want to warm the whole house up and have it smell sooooo good. may as well, since there is no way I'm stepping foot outside today!

Poor little Murff froze his little man balls off this morning!!

Electric company

tell me this:


have you ever had an instant "connection" with someone?

felt that electricity?

felt like you were alive for the first time in your life>

felt like that person "got" you?

When? what happened to that "connection"?


I've only felt it twice in my life time.

It's addicting.

It's passionate.

and when it's gone, it's devastating.

Dream a LIttle Dream

So I'm talking to Betts yesterday morning..

the girl is a mush head, and I say that with much affection.

she locked her keys in her car the night before, but didn't even realize it till she went to leave in the morning and couldn't find her keys.

and another mush head move? She was making cupcakes...then putting them in the paper liners. Joey, who's 6, told her, "Mom, you're supposed to put the paper liners in the muffin cups and then put the cupcake batter in them and bake them." "No joey! you can't do that! they'll catch on fire!"

Outta the mouths of babes, huh? ;)

so I'm talking to her, after having called AAA to come and unlock her car to get her keys..and she told me that Joey and Bree had played "beauty shop" and cut each others hair.




(crickets chirping)





Bree's hair was looooooong...down to her butt. and beautiful, with soft little curls at the end.



Now?



It's up to her shoulders. with a short little bang included.



I almost cried! Her hair was so long!

Oh well, it's only hair, right?

********************************

so Dirtbike Boy has informed me that he and his best friend will be making a "road trip" this summer. To Alaska. or Washington. Or Oregon. somewhere far away with woods, where he can go "off the grid".

I think the Boy has been inhaling too many "5 Guys" fumes.

And after graduation, he and the best friend will be driving to California in a van and setting up shop somewhere. They want to open up a little beach shack somewhere, rent surf boards and have a little diner that serves great sandwiches. (Man Vs. Food will be along to test them, im sure)

I'm all for THAT.

Walking to Alaska or Oregon? not so much.
yes, I said WALKING. or riding motorcycles.

And I understand all of this. Bina and I had big plans and dreams for after graduation...moving to California (hmmm..wonder where he gets it from?), living on the beach, riding horses, and somewhere in there we would have grown long blond hair and massive boobs.

Needless to say, it didn't happen. California OR the massive boobs. Well, for me anyway. :)

Everyone needs a dream, right?

you have GOT to be kidding me

I must have lost my blooming mind.

I have committed to do a 60 mile kayak race in May.

WHAT AM I THINKING???

I can't do that!

I've never even been IN a kayak before.

I did a canoe thing once...down the river. It was an all day thing...a leisurely little romp down the river...stop for lunch along the banks..."Oh look at the pretty trees! Look at that farm over there!"

Um..I don't think that this is gonna be anything like that at all.

But you know what?

I'm pumped.

REALLY pumped.

I think I can do it!!!!!!

I'm ready to throw a wrench into my physical life.

I'm ready to do something different and obscure and crazy.

I think this qualifies.

So I have to start training, and I'm not quite sure how I go about that, but I'm ready to take it on.

so it might not be TOO bad only having one kid at home.

;)


I've gotten alot done in the past couple of days...busy busy busy.

cleaning out, painting to come...clearing out clutter. and taking lots and lots of photos.

BUSY!!!!

My heart is still hurting a little...I haven't seen that boys face since Friday. And we spend every day together so thats a long time! But he's getting out and thats good. They gotta leave sometime, right? I mean, that's what my job is, right?...to give them what they need to move on with confidence and go make their own lives....independent of me? I guess Im doing what I gotta do then.

So I'll be spending February and March in NC...where should I go after that? :)

Well another one is leaving the nest.

Friday I will be down to just one boy at home.

And it scares me!

Things are changing so fast around here...yet it's taken years to get to this point.

When the kids were little, I dreamed of the day when they would all fly the coop and leave me and the hubs alone in the house together. We could take baths together! We could walk around naked whenever we wanted to! and have sex whenever and where ever we wanted to!

WOOHOO!

Now that time is fast approaching and it scares the hoohaw outta me.

What if it's not as amazing as I thought it would be? What if we don't want to "do it" all the time, like we planned? :)

What if I don't know who I am without my kids? THAT'S the big Question here.

The past year, I've been carving out a nice little life for myself, separate from being a Mom....I have wonderful friends who love me and think Im funny...and actually want to spend time with me! Without My Kids in tow! Who woulda thunk it?

Its so hard at the start...when your kids are little and your whole world revolves around them. You don't work outside the house cuz raising your kids is important to you and what you feel is best for everyone. No offense to Working Mom's..more power to ya! I just knew that I couldn't do it...I couldn't do both jobs and excel at them both. so I chose one to excel at, and I feel I've done that. I have some fantastic kids if I do say so myself! I genuinely LIKE each and every one of them. Any friends that you make tend to have kids around the same age as yours....you become friends with the friends parents...you spend time at each other's houses...watching the kids play and talking about kids. it's KIDS all the time.

But now, they are leaving the nest...and that's what they're supposed to do. That's what I've raised them to do. I do NOT want a 45 year old man still living at home with his mama...no. freaking. way. :)

So Once again, I have to look in the mirror and see who it is I am now. She's not bad looking as far as looks go...better than some....uglier than others. Oh well. I make do with what I have.

I guess I need to try and see myself as others see me, and that's hard.

and to top it all off, im being stalked on facebook. I know....has nothing to do with what I was talking about.!! But a person I have tried to avoid has been creeping my page. So not cool. and all under the guise of another name. SOOOOOOOO not cool. So I think Facebook has lost some of the appeal for me. Time to move on perhaps.

Where is all this going? I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!

it's a time of reflection and inspiration and of dreaming.