Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Fire is a process

So much going on.

some good.  some not.

Life is changing fast....even tho it's taken years to get to this point.

And it makes me appreciate long slow lazy days in the sun.  When you're young and haven't a care in the world...you don't get the mail, you never answer the phone cuz you now it's not for you, you never worry about what you'll eat the night cuz supper is always made for you by someone else. You're biggest worry is if you'll still have a Best Friend tomorrow and if you'll have someone to sit next to in the cafeteria.

I've made some decisions that were very hard to make.  Gut wrenching, soul searching decisions.  The kind of decisions that effect your whole family and change lives. I pray that I make the right choices. I pray that my kids will be ok throughout the process of change.

But I know for my own peace of mind, I have to do what I feel is best for me.  I've put everyone before me for so long, that these thoughts feel very selfish and foreign to me. And while I'm scared....I'm also filled with hopes and dreams that I haven't dared to dream before. My heart is breaking for the hurt I've caused, but I pray that we all come out of the fire stronger.

More to come as things progress.

12 comments:

David Dust said...

Hope all is well.

Happy belated birthday!!

XOXOXOXO

the dogs' mother said...

ak.
keep us updated when you can.
xoxoxo

Beth said...

Tranny: thank you so much Babe!!! I love and miss you terribly.

Dog's mama: thanks girl...LOVE YA!

kristi said...

I hope you are okay...hugs.

Beth said...

I will be girl. Love you!

Gnightgirl said...

While I don't know what's going on, I have a gut feeling that you're executing monumental courage. Consider me rallying and confident. ::hugs::

oreneta said...

Hugs and hold in tight.

XOXOXOXOX

Nancy said...

You have strength & courage, go with your heart. Hugs & love my sweet friend xoxo

MJ said...

Hugs to you, Beth!!

MJ said...

Hugs to you, Beth!!

Nomad said...

Good luck Beth...
We always know deep down what is right..
The only time it gets rough is when we ignore this intuition.
Good luck and I hope 2013 is time for you to realise your dreams.

HUGS

Nomad

Big Mark 243 said...

I was randomly drawn here... so don't go all "potential stalker victim" on me here..!

This is certainly a female concern in that society has always compelled the woman to be the one that sacrifices for the sake of others. While both men and women can feel empathy, women do so more naturally... it is instinctive, and why when you see or know of a woman behaving "out of rounds", being selfish or putting her needs before others, it seems so off putting.

So don't feel bad about taking yourself off the shelf. Your kids are nearly grown and as much as it may hurt to do so, need to either fly or hit the ground. Hopefully you and the Sheriff have a nice balance to your relationship so things won't get all wonky as you go from being a full-time parent to being YOU again.

You DO know who you are, don't you??

You have to start telling yourself that it is alright to be selfish and that it is alright for you to come first again. You have forgotten... you did this before in your life! Just go back to the Beth that took care of herself and think like her, only take with you the wisdom that you have NOW as you do..!

Take care... hope everything is going well for you and yours..!

Love & Rockets!!

Mark